Did I get your attention with that title?! It may seem like a funny joke but that is my reality and I have to include this disclaimer- most of the time we are great friends but at times we want to kill each other like a lot of normal couples. One of the most commonly asked questions I get is - how am I a single mom? How did me and Max’s dad meet? Why aren’t we together? The list goes on and on, so tonight I am going to try to answer those all in one place. So grab a glass of wine, cookies, and hold on for a wild ride! (and enjoy the good #tbt pics)
How we met
Cesar and I went to the same university, Kennesaw State University, and had a mutual friend named Mina.(shout-out to Mina if you’re reading this) In college I wasn’t much of a party girl but Mina had convinced me to go out and for some reason, I did. I walked into this party and my eyes instantly went to Cesar. I don’t know what it was but I remember turning to my friend Polina and telling her “I was going to get to know that guy.” I grew a pair and walked right up to him and started a conversation - don’t know that I could still do that - we found out we had mutual friends, talked for a while and from that point on I knew I needed to know more. I managed to do so by getting his number and then accidently texting him (instead of my friend) about how hot he was and how much I liked him. We went on a date or two but nothing really happened. We both started dating other people and then coincidentally broke up with those people around the same time. We then dated on and off throughout our time in college.
My favorite memory (before we get to the serious stuff)
Cesar and I were both a part of greek life in college and every year Cesar's fraternity hosted this event called "Delt Date Auction". The boys prepared a talent and performed it, introduced themselves, and were then up for auction to a sea of women looking for a date. Now Cesar and I had been dating for some good time at this point BUT the event was for a philanthropy so I was okay with it. Plus, how much can you buy your own boyfriend for?! Yah, well... little did I know the boys had planted a girl in the audience to raise up the bids of the guys with girlfriends. To keep this short - I paid $400 for my boyfriend that night and almost got in a fight with that girl (don't worry we became great friends). Check out that outfit though... totally worth the $400? Right? LOL
Why we aren't still together
I don't think I am the first person to say that relationships can be work. We are just like a lot of normal couples - it was work and a job we just weren't good at. When I first told Cesar I was pregnant he wasn't excited. I didn't get that big announcement I had always wanted to have with a partner infant, it was the worst moment I think I have had in my life. Cesar didn't want a baby, he didn't want to be a dad, he wanted to sign away his rights. He left me in the dust, started dating some girl and I was left alone. Pregnant and scared. While that is something I can never really forgive or forget the fact that he loves Max trumps it all. The moment Max was born the girlfriend was gone (BLESSED) because Max was all that mattered to Cesar. In these last 10-ish months I have seen Cesar become a person I didn't even know he could be. He loves Max with every inch of his body and would move mountains for him.
Do I think we will get back together
So I think this is my most asked question! I laugh every time because YALL ARE SO SWEET! Not that many people are in our corner to somehow, maybe end up back together (even our families) but it melts my heart that people I don't even really "know" are rooting for my little family. As of now, no, we aren't getting back together but I am no psychic. I don't know the future so I guess you all will just have to continue to follow along to find out.
How we co-parent
While there is no textbook definition of how we successfully co-parent (maybe I should write a book?!) I can share the things that we have learned in hopes that they can help anyone in our shoes.
1. The baby ALWAYS comes first
Max is always going to be our top priority and at the end of the day every decision we make is in HIS best interest.
2. NEVER text a fight
In the era of social media we are in now it is very easy to let a text ruin a conversation. Texts are very easily misread and things are misconstrued more than often. When I have something serious to talk to Cesar about I call him. Texts are too easily misread and when you are passionate about things I have learned that things can sometimes sound a little rude/sassy when I don't mean them to be.
3. Spend time as a family
Even though we aren't together as a couple we are together as parents. We want Max to know BOTH of his parents love him and will always do what we can to give him the best life.
4. Give things a chance
Since Max was born we have tried getting back together but that wasn't successful. But hey, we tried.
5. Support each other
We want Max to know his parents are friends and that he was still made out of love. Things may not be the same now but we did love each other very much and now the love we have for one another is just different. Cesar has supported me in working from home and growing my blog and now is my turn to support him. He has been granted a scholarship to go to a photojournalism seminar in Bali THIS MONTH! Because it is so last minute he is having to really work to fundraise. If you can give anything at all I know he would love the support! (seamless plug)
My love story isn't typical but it gave me Max and that is better to me than love for now. BUT I am starting to get back out there and dates are hard as a mom but like I said earlier, relationships can be work but when you find the one it is so worth it.
"You're not a mess. You're brave for trying."