My experience on being someone else's personal beverage station...

August 11, 2017

So, I want to start this post by saying breast is not best - it's great but fed is best and I want everyone to remember that when reading this post! Happy #breastfeedingawareness month! When asking Brittany about writing this I was kind of hesitant because I feel like breastfeeding is such a weird topic but I wanted to be truthful and completely open about my experience I had with it because you never know, some of you could feel this way too! Another disclaimer - I love breastfeeding Max but sometimes it's really hard and it feels great to laugh about the struggles sometimes... so, I hope I can make you laugh too! 


The pain

I remember the day my milk cake in because holy buckets did I look like something out of Play Boy! I remember looking at my mom like "what the heck happened to me?". I would say the first week breastfeeding was the weirdest because tongue tie, I'll get to that later. The first 8 weeks I was in excruciating pain everytime I fed Max. I remember telling Brittany that everytime I fed Max I would cry or scream and I was beginning to dread feeding my baby. As a mother, that was the worst feeling. I was literally terrified of my six week olds mouth. I had to use a nipple shield - not as sexy as it sounds - and the pain was still there. My mom and Lactation Consultant kept telling me "anyday now the pain will stop and it will be so easy" WHEN WAS THAT DAY GOING TO COME?!



I have pretty much accepted that I won't ever wear a normal bra ever again. They unfortunately don't make sexy push up bras for nursing moms. While I have found some great alternatives (be on the lookout for post on best nursing bras later this month) sometimes ya just wanna give the girls a little lift and be able to feed your kid, am I right?! 


Boob guns

This is a real thing that I have not let learned to control. Some mom's say they love the feeling of let down but me...nope! I dread it. Poor Max gets shot in the eye, ear, or up the nose everytime he pulls off because my boobs start to uncontrollably squirt - I know, super sexy. I literally have to hold all 20lbs. of him in one arm while applying pressure on my other boob so it doesn't start squirting too! 


Change of clothes 

Not for Max, but for Mommy. I have quickly learned that when I pack a change of clothes for Max that I need one too - a shirt at least. Max's new favorite game is to pull off and hit Mommys boob so milk squirts everywhere... the kid laughs everytime 🙄 Between Max's games and my uncontrollable leaking I always need one or two extra shirts in the car! 


Public breastfeeding 

Another weird topic. While I believe women should be able to feed their children in public it's really tough for me! I am always looking for the table or booth in the back corner or the single stalled restroom just so I can feed Max because it's too hot here and covers just aren't a thing! I will never forget the first time I ever breastfed in public a lady told me that "that is to be done at home". Like excuse me?! Am I supposed to never leave my house (Max wasn't taking a bottle at this point) or hide from the world? That's what I did in the weeks leading up to this and I wasn't doing it again! An opposite encounter was when a woman walked up to me and gave me a tiny card in a tiny envelope, smiled, and walked away. When I opened the card it said "thank you for feeding your child in public. Your decision is making it easier for new moms". I immediately started crying when I read this -new mom hormones- but because I thought to myself maybe if I had seen other women out doing it I wouldn't have been so scared or nervous. 


The "bond"

Everyone always talks to me about this "bond" and I haven't really felt it yet. I keep waiting and waiting for that moment where I am like "oh, this is what they meant" but for me, I am just feeding Max and I think that's ok. Not everyone will feel the same about it and not everyone will have that connection. 


The question 

How long will I breastfeed for? I have no idea...ask me when he has a mouth full of teeth and I can better tell ya! I am proud of myself for making it even five months because this single mamas poor and honestly formula is just expensive! My original goal was a year but like I said, we will see once those chompers start coming in! He is already gumming the mess out of me! 


To finish this off, I am proud of my body for doing something I didn't know it could do. I am thankful I am blessed enough to be able to do this because I know some women can't but I just wanted you all to know it wasn't easy for me, still isn't but I am going to try my best to stick with it for Max. And I told Brittany if James was ever sick and needed some I would instantly ship that boob milk right to Hawaii (her mom actually joked to her about this and I said DUH I would do that for you)! Now remember, FED is best and as moms all that matters is that we are doing what is best for us and our babies! There is no fun in the comparison game so why play it?


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