Love. Why is this something so easy to do but so hard to talk about? I used to love talking about love and being in love but after heartbreak it's easy to find yourself wondering... what is love? I recently heard you fall in love 3 times, that's right... just THREE times, and if that's the case ,well, I'm toast.
I have thought a lot about if I wanted to share anything about love or my opinions on it but the more I think about it the more I think there are so many positive things that can come from talking about heartbreak. When I first found out I was pregnant with Max (well, I thought he was a mini Kate at that point... but you get it) I was ready to be a single mom. I had accepted my boyfriend just didn't want to be a dad and didn't want to work things out with me and in my eyes if you can't work on things for your kid... it's not worth my fight, you have to want this and I was done forcing it. The second I found out Max was a boy I wanted to cry. I know, I know what you're all thinking (SHES TERRIBLE) but let me explain. I wasn't sad because my dream of having my mini me was gone but I was sad because I didn't know anything about boys! How was I going to raise a man without a stable husband or man in my life? How was I going to show him how a woman should be treated when his dad wasn't going to do that for him? This made me really hate his dad and I took out a lot of my anger on him (heck, I still do) but in my eyes it wasn't fair. That's when I heard my moms voice in the back of my head "Kate, life isn't fair". How many of us have heard that one before? But, she's right... life isn't fair and sometimes we are handed cards we just simply don't know how to deal with. At this point in time I decided I was done looking for love. I had given up. I was going to love myself and love my son and that was it... until I met someone.
Let's call him my Mr.Big (because yes, I am obsessed with Sex in the City). Big and I met on when I was in one of my biggest battles with depression during this pregnancy and friends had thought this may be a good way to boost my self-esteem. Now, Big and I aren't dating or anything like that so don't get too excited but I can say he has truly become one of my best friends and favorite people. He has reminded me how much I am worth and gotten me to stop asking myself "why am I not enough?". He has shown me and Max so much love and care and given me more faith than I could have asked for and while I wish I was able to move on as easily and as fast as my ex... I can't. Because I won't settle. I won't settle for someone who is not more than enough for my Max because I want him to grow up knowing how real love can be. It's not some fairytale guys think is a Hallmark dream. I have gotten the faith and confidence back in God to know that He will place the right man in our lives when the time is right. So, this one goes out to you Big, thanks for being you and putting my heart back together when I thought I had lost all the pieces.
So ladies (and gents)... if you have made it thus far, remember, YOU ARE ENOUGH. I have to give a major shoutout to Pinterest for getting me through all the times when I was not feeling Beyoncé proud and wasn't dancing to 'Shoutout to My Ex', because without some go their witty quotes I probably would still be listening to depressing love songs instead. Here are a few of my favorite -Single Ladies- quotes that you can save and share to remind yourself ... YOU DON'T NEED NO MAN!
"You're not a mess. You're brave for trying."